Welcome to Trucker Jokes. These jokes for the most part are jokes for truckers. If you know any truck driver jokes then please send us them to us at the contact us link at the bottom of this page or you can use the form on our Home page so we can check them out and if they are clean we will add them to this page.
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A young kid starting his first job as a waiter in a diner has a big trucker come in and sit down at the counter and order, The trucker says "Gimme 3 flat tires and a couple of headlights." Bewildered the kid goes to the kitchen and tells the cook, "I think this guy's in the wrong store, look at what he ordered!" The cook says, "He wants 3 Flapjacks and 2 eggs sunny-side up." The waiter then takes a bowl of beans to the driver. He looks at it and growls, "What's this? I didn't order this!" The kid tells him, "The cook says that while you're waiting for your parts you might as well gas up while your waiting!"
As a trucker pauses for a red light, a four wheeler with a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Carla and you are losing some of your load." The driver ignores her and proceeds on down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the blonde catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Carla, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Carla, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde's car, He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Joe. It's winter in New Mexico, and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
An old man was eating in a truck stop when three rough-looking bikers walked in. As they passed the old man, the first biker pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, then laughed and took a seat at the counter. The second biker picked up the old man's milk and spit into it. The third biker turned over the old man's plate before joining the others at the counter.
Without saying a word to the laughing bikers, the old man put his money down, got up, and left the diner. One of the bikers said to the waitress, "Not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his big rig over three motorcycles!
A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his truck at him. At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn't run over the lawyer, so he swerved, but he heard a thump anyway. Looking back as he drove on, he didn't see anything. He began to apologize for his behavior to the priest. "I'm sorry, Father. I barely missed that lawyer at the side of the road."
But the priest said, Don't worry, son. I got him with my door.
A trucker driving along on the freeway notices a road sign in the distance that reads Low Bridge Ahead.
Sure enough, the trucker gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police officer arrives at the scene. The cop gets out of his cruiser and walks around to the truck driver. He puts his hands on his hips and remarks, "Looks like you got stuck, huh?"
The trucker replies sarcastically, No, officer, actually I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of fuel!
A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying: "NERDS NOT ALLOWED --- ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK" He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, and asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils stashed in his pocket protector, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, "The nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't even need a license", he said.
So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly.
A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver says, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."
"Well, sure," said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."
A truck driver starts truck driving school. The instructor asks him this question "Your driving down a steep mountain and your brakes fail do you A) Start blowing your horn and hope everyone gets out your way till you can get to the emergency truck ramp. B) Cram your transmission into a lower gear and hope the engine slows you down. or C) Try to jackknife your semi hoping that going sideways will slow you down.
The Trainee thinks for a moment and shouts out D!
The instructor says "D? I didn't give you the option of D! What is D?"
And the trainee reply's wake up my co-driver cuz he has never seen a wreck like this!
California State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "Bout what?"
A young man checks into a Hospital emergency room with a gaping cut on his arm, And notices the guy in the next bed is completely swollen and had bruises everywhere his skin was exposed, He looked as if every bone in his body was broken. So the first young man, Looks over at the critically injured man, And notices he is awake, So the young man mustered the courage to ask him if he was in bad traffic accident. The badly injured man proceeds to tell him about his experience he had earlier in the day. He goes on to explain that he is an Independent Truck Driver, And that two Texas State Troopers pulled a NYPD on him. The young man is in total shock upon hearing this and asks,"Why would they do that?". The beaten Truck Driver goes on to explain. 9 months ago, I was hauling a loaded trailer of Louisiana Crawfish to Los Angeles, California, When I was stopped by a Texas State Trooper. When he walked up to my cab, He asked me what I was hauling. I said, "Louisiana Crawfish". So after checking my Bill of Lading, The trooper let me go. A month ago, I was hauling Chili Peppers from Hatch, New Mexico to Biloxi, Mississippi. Again, I was stopped by a Lone Texas State Trooper. Once again, She asked what I was hauling. I said, "New Mexican Chili." She glances over my Bill of Lading, And let me go. This morning however, I was rolling on Interstate 10, West of San Antonio, When I was pulled over by not one, But two Texas State Troopers. And they both approached on both sides of my truck. The one that walked up to my Driver side window, Proceeds to ask what I had in my trailer, That smells so bad. And I complied with their question and told them, They were "Texas Pigs". So they yelled for me to step down from the truck, With my hands up! I was puzzled, And as soon as I stepped out, They both pull me down and handcuffed me. When they had me on the ground, They both started to beat me with their batons and kicked me everywhere. The young man, By now is in complete horror, Of this man's story. Completely confused the young man asked "Why would two Texas State Troopers do such a thing?". You see, I was hauling a truck load of pigs and hogs from Beaumont,Texas to a Slaughterhouse in Bakersfield, California. As the two Texas State Troopers walked up to my truck, I said, "Texas pigs." The next thing I remember was waking up here in the Emergency Room.
The trucker is driving down the highway when he hears a loud thump under his rig. He stops to check for damage, then calls his boss and says I hit a pig on the road, and it's stuck under my rig.the driver explains. What should I do? Shoot it between the eyes, answers the boss. Then pull it out and throw it in the truck. The driver hears this,pauses for moment then tells his boss, Ok... I can do that , he explains. So what's the hold up!? snaps the boss. The driver replies, I just don't know what to do with his motorcycle.
